a giant surreality

Need to get this in writing before I forget.

All I wanted was a bouquet of flowers for my 19th anniversary, which is today.

I went to the North End Florist in Pottstown. They were out of tulips. I wanted something other than roses because my wife doesn’t really like them. She does like tulips.

So I went to Giant, a local grocery chain. I know they have a selection of flowers there that rivals, if not surpasses, the local florists. I wound up not getting tulips because I found a cool looking bouquet.

That’s when everything got weird. Not far away from where I stood with my bouquet, two women were conversing over a pile of produce. They were speaking to each other in Spanish.

A woman on the other side of the produce bay said, “Speak english! This is an English speaking country!” At first I thought she was joking but when I saw the look on her face, I knew she was not. After she found a suitable cantaloupe, she charged off. Though it was clear they heard her, the two women never even acknowledged their attacker, which was probably wise. For my part, I had a couple of nice English words that I would have enjoyed teaching her.

It took me a minute to regain my bearings… what was I doing? Why was I here? Why are there flowers in my hand?

Over at the checkout lines, it looked to be a 15 minute wait even at the express lanes. I walked over to a short line where a young man was ringing out an older woman. After a minute he said “Truthfully, lane 7 should be a shorter wait.” That was the express lane. I had been standing there. I knew it wasn’t any shorter but I went over there anyway so as to avoid dope slapping this cashier.

On the other side of having my one item rung up I found myself walking out of the store behind the elderly woman from Captain Cashier’s register. She was moving very, very slowly and taking up the entire pathway to the doors so that I could not get around on either side.

Walking slowly, however, gave me an opportunity to note with interest that a young mother and her daughter were having a bit of a discussion. It ended abruptly when the daughter turned to go and the mother grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to her side. She then either spoke directly into the daughter’s ear, or bit her.

I’m not sure what happened after that because by now the older woman and I were out of the store and into that no man’s land where they keep the carts and the kiddie rides and the gumball machines and the school children with their fund raisers.

Just as she was about to clear the exit, the old woman turned around and said to me, “You’re following right behind me thinking, ‘Get the hell out of the way, you old lady.’ I know that’s what you were thinking.”

What I had been thinking, in point of fact, was “I hope Joy likes these flowers. Maybe I should have gotten tulips after all!”

I stepped around the woman and said, “Have a nice day.”

She called after me, “I really want to know what you were thinking!”

I turned back, “I said, I was thinking have a nice day.” Which was, technically, a lie. But it made the woman smile. She said, “Oh! Thank you!”

Joy did indeed like the flowers and I got another reminder of why I usually go to some length to avoid shopping at Giant.

seven posts about the same thing

Educat started this one. It’s a genuine meme, complete with tagging and everything.

It’s called Seven Posts About the Same Thing. How it works: pick seven posts on the same topic from your archives and link to them in a new post (with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one).

I was a bit hung  up for just a second on which topic I would choose: ministry or postal adventures. In the end, the postal adventures won out ’cause they’re funnier.

So consider this a sort of greatest hits of the postality category.

Starting with my recent confession of screwing up somebody’s mail.

And here’s where I met a highway contract carrier who had obviously already heard of me.

Who could forget this favorite post about turning what should have been a short day into a long one?

Then there was the time that they added an outlet mall to what was already the longest, hardest route in the post office, which I was carrying at the time, of course. They said it was only for a week. Those outlets are still part of that route!

Reaching way, way back. How about this post about an impromptu meeting with a turkey, or this one about dropping all of my mail off the dock (the other rural carriers still tease me about that episode).

Finally, no postality reminiscence would be complete without the post that started it all.

 

In grand Educat tradition, I tag no one unless of course you want to take your own trip down memory lane, in which case consider yourself tagged.

how well do you know me

My daughter created a quiz about herself and challenged me to do the same. Test your Jim knowledge with the Jim Is Cool quiz!

Or not.

 

Careful, it’s tricky.

another round of deskography

UPDATE: At John’s request, I’ve added an explanations below each picture.

Yes, I know it’s been done before but I don’t feel like going to bed yet.

Via Rick, via John.

Mine…

 

The picture above was taken by yours truly during the serotoninroad trip of September 2007 (the photos are no longer up at flickr so you won’t be able to see tham at that link). It was taken at approximately 9am at Lake McDonald in Glacier National Park, Montana. The haze which is plainly visible is lingering smoke from the fires that devastated a large portion of the state last summer. The two windows you see are twhirl (on the left), which makes easy work of simultaneous twitter and jaiku posting, and digsby which keeps track of mail, chat, and facebook alerts.

 

 

The three icons above lead to the programs folder, windows explorer, and the recycle bin respectively.

 

And so, good night.

here’s something new and different… a meme!

From Marissa.

The rules are:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

 

 

1. What was I doing 10 yrs ago?
Making initial preparations to take students to Pine Ridge South Dakota on a mission trip. I was a youth minister in 1998.

2. What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

• lead worship
• help my parents with their bathroom
• update my podcasts
• post an utter or two
• eat dinner with my parents

 

3. Snacks I enjoy:

• Spicy Nacho Cheese Doritos
• Pretzels
• Cheez-Its (I actually like prefer the low fat version)

 

4. Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
a billionaire? That’s some serious green. I’d Set up my parents, brother and sister for life. Travel.

 

5. Three of my bad habits:

• worrying (though I’m much better at this than I used to be)
• throwing my clothes on the floor instead of in the hamper
• making a huge mess in the kitchen when I cook

 

6. 5 places I have lived (all the places I have lived):

• Trenton, NJ
• Rochester, NY
• Edison, NJ
• Cleveland, OH
• Pottstown, PA

 

7. 5 jobs I have had:

• Convenience Store Clerk
• Warehouse worker
• Advertising Research Analyst
• Youth Minister
• Postal Worker

 

8. 5 peeps I wanna know more about:
I can’t name 5 but I’d love to learn more about these couple of folks…

• Mis_Nomer
• Sleepy
• Sarala

my great uncle thought he was a ghostbuster

You’re St. Jerome! You’re a passionate Christian, fiercely devoted to Jesus Christ and his Church. You are willing to labor long hours in the Lord’s vineyard, and you have little patience with those who are less willing or able to work as you do. Your passions often carry you into temptation zones of wrath, lust, and pride. Find out which Church Father you are at The Way of the Fathers!

Thanks Randy for distracting me from writing my article.

mad pollination skills: i haz dem

Thanks to Beth.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Jim Jannotti!

1. The international dialling code for Jim Jannotti is 672.
2. Worldwide, Jim Jannotti is the most important natural enemy of night-flying insects.
3. Over half of Americans are officially Jim Jannotti.
4. Jim Jannotti can pollinate up to six times more efficiently than the honeybee!
5. If you blow out all the candles on Jim Jannotti with one breath, your wish will come true.
6. According to the story, Pinocchio was made of Jim Jannotti.
7. Jim Jannottiology is the study of Jim Jannotti.
8. Jim Jannottiolatry is the mindless worship of Jim Jannotti.
9. The Church of Scientology was founded in 1953, at Washington D.C., by Jim Jannotti.
10. Over 46,000 pieces of Jim Jannotti float on every square mile of ocean!

don’t even think about it

Today sucked pretty much from the moment I rolled out of bed and now I am in a rotten mood.

I’ll just leave it at that.

Hope your day was way better than mine.

 

 

 

{:-(

i am good. but you knew that.

How evil are you?

Thanks to comparitve bad girl Rach!

i’m my own schedule

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Via the early riser.