You are currently browsing the daily archive for December 4, 2007.
At work, there is a guy who is somewhat handicapped. Though I’ve never asked, I think his disability is the result of a stroke. He has strongly slurred speech and compromised movement on one side of his body.
Sometimes this fellow reminds me of the guy who you never see in the episode of Seinfeld entitled “Bubble Boy.” He’s confined to a sterile bubble in his room. Jerry et al visit him on his birthday at the request of his Dad. The gag is that you’re expecting this really sappy sentimental John Travolta-boy-in-the-plastic-bubble scene, but the first line spoken by Donald the Bubble Boy is,
“HEY MA WHAT THE HELL DO I GOT TO DO TO GET SOME FOOD AROUND HERE?”
Meeting my handicapped coworker is akin to that.
It’s not that I don’t like the guy, but he can be [understatement alert] a bit abrasive.
He’s got a Christmas tradition that cracks me up. Starting on the Monday after Thanksgiving, he puts on his holiday hat:
He wears it every day.
It’s actually called the “Stuff I Hate About the Holidays Meme” and Coffeepastor started it. Humbug takes up a lot less space in the title line.
1) dessert/cookie/family food – Sand Tarts. Be gone, spawn of Satan!
2) beverage (seasonal beer, eggnog w/ way too much egg and not enough nog, etc…) – Any beer that has fruity flavor added, including but not in any sense limited to Pete’s Wicked Winter Brew. Wicked indeed. Ugh.
3) tradition (church, family, other) – Staying up late to wrap presents.
4) decoration – I was going to give this honor to Will’s Star Trek Christmas Tree Ornaments, but that was before someone installed a red light on our front porch. Yes, it is true. We now have the only house in our neighborhood, in fact, the only house in all of Pottstown with a red porchlight. Red!!!
5) gift (received or given) – Rocks. My parents actually gave us a bag of rocks one Christmas. No, not last year you goof! When we were kids. My brother and sister deserved the rocks but I did not. I was an angel. My brother and sister will back me up on this.
BONUS: SONG/CD that makes you want to tell the elves where to stick it. – Coffeepastor really can’t stand Feliz Navidad, but I kind of like that song. Santa Baby by anybody just makes me gag, but particularly when Madonna sings it. Ewww! I don’t even like to think about it.
Feel free to add categories to your own version!