three, er, make that four dog night

The following is true. Except for the parts I made up.

 

This story is surreal.

It’s a peaceful Tuesday Morning in Gig Harbor, Washington. A disabled woman is sleeping peacefully  with her service dog by her side, oh, and a neighbor’s dog as well. Suddenly two pit bulls burst into the room looking for breakfast. The disabled woman tries to lock the neighbor’s dog in a closet, but like the men of Sodom, the pit bulls are persistent. They kill the neighbors dog and then turn their attention to the woman (whose own dog, apparently the only one with any sense, has long since fled the scene).

The woman goes all Rambo on the dogs. Or tries to, that is, but then her gun doesn’t fire. She picks up a stick, which the dogs take for the second of three courses. After tangling with the carnivorous canines, her blood leaving a trail, the woman flees the house, being careful to grab a phone on the way out and call 911. The transcript of the 911 call reportedly went something like:

   “911 what is your emergency?”

   “Sonzabitches! Bumpusses!”

It only gets better. Read it here.

Okay, so the gun wouldn’t fire but I still love the idea of a disabled old (59 isn’t really old, but whatever) lady packin’ heat.

***

 

The Pit Bulls’ names: Betty, and Tank. It was Betty did the killin’. The neighbor who owns the pit bulls says they’re usually good, which means…

…[the] pit bulls have long terrorized the area.

Brad King said his five-pound papillon, Toby, was attacked inside his home when the two dogs entered through his open back door last summer. “They had Toby in their mouths,” King said.

King was able to stop the attack, but Toby suffered a broken jaw.

Neal Fortner, who lives two houses down from Gorman, said the pit bulls came toward him snarling one morning as he tried to get into his car. He threw rocks to shoo them away.

“I can’t believe she made it out her back door,” he said of Gorman. “I’m just glad she made it with her life.”

Gorman said she has called 911 previously when Betty charged her and Misty.

The wilding dogs are now in custody awaiting a decision about their future, but a source whose reliability cannot be confirmed says the dogs have received a visit from Oscar.

 

The moral of the story: Don’t sleep in with your neighbor’s dog.

 

As always, thank you to Obscure Store for mass quantities of inspiration.